I woke up this morning with a feeling I just can’t shake — a question that keeps swirling in my mind.
What is real confidence?
Growing up, I thought confidence was just a more polite way of saying cocky. Where I’m from in the South, there’s a saying: “Are you getting too big for your britches?” It’s a subtle way of warning you not to get a big head. The message was always clear: Don’t let your confidence overshadow your roots, or you’ll lose sight of where you came from.
For a long time, that mindset held me back. Every time I felt confident, I would second-guess myself. I’d wonder if I was crossing the line, slipping into arrogance. Sometimes I’d even ask myself, “Am I turning into a ‘Hall Man?’” If you’ve read my chapter in The Expanding Man Chronicles, you know exactly what that means.
But here’s the thing — confidence is an energy that radiates outward. When I feel truly confident, I can walk into any room and make it mine. Not because I own the space, but because I’m comfortable enough in my own skin to introduce myself to anyone there. When I’m at my best, people sense my presence, even if they don’t know me personally.
The catch? My goal has always been to balance confidence with humility. That’s the sweet spot. Confidence doesn’t have to be loud or flashy; it can be a quiet, grounded sense of self. It’s about recognizing your strengths while also embracing your weaknesses. Confidence isn’t about being perfect — it’s about knowing that, despite your imperfections, you’re exactly where you need to be.
And there’s a certain peace in that. Confidence isn’t about being better than others; it’s about knowing you don’t have to be. It’s stepping into a room, claiming your space, and staying grounded enough to realize you’re part of something bigger. Confidence lets you be unapologetically yourself, while humility reminds you there’s always room to grow.
A mentor of mine once gave me some powerful feedback. She showed me side-by-side photos of myself from a year apart. I had lost a few pounds to be sure, but what stood out to her wasn’t physical — it was my presence. She said, “Ryan, it’s like you’re taking up less physical space in the world, but your presence is filling so much more of it.”
So, am I getting too big for my britches? Nah, not at all. I’m learning how to fill them — with confidence, self-awareness, and humility.
And that’s a statement that I have not only dreamed of making but have worked like hell to achieve.
