I was awoken around 5 this morning after experiencing a terrible nightmare. This nightmare was violent, loud, and terrifying. It was about some trauma that I’ve had in my life over the past year.
And it’s still shaken me many hours later.
As I was walking with Pete earlier today, I found a bench and sat down. I needed to have an abrupt conversation with God.
After talking out loud for 15–20 minutes and dealing with my whining dog, my monologue finally turned into a dialogue. And it was one of the more powerful experiences in my life.
I’m in regular type.
God’s responses to me are in bold.
I’m here. I’m listening. Let’s talk.
Are you sure?
Wait, what?
Are you listening or do you just want to hear what you want to hear?
Who is this?
Who do you think? You’ve been talking at me for the past 20 minutes. I’m just talking back.
Why do you sound like me in my head?
That’s for me to know and you to find out.
Okay, God speaks in riddles. Got it.
It’s like you’ve never read The Bible.
Yeah…you got me.
Ryan, you’ve spent the last 20 minutes asking for signs. Asking for a sign that you’re on the right path. Asking for a sign that you’re doing the right thing. Here’s your sign.
If you really are who you say you are, show me something. If I should move forward with Premium Retail and forget about doing anything else, show me a red bird. If I should move forward with Premium and ramp up all the other projects in my life, show me a seagull. And if I should do something completely different, show me a black dog.
Very well.
Two seagulls fly by.
Happy now?
Well, that does answer my question.
The proof is in the birdie, my friend.
I get it. Y’know, I’m a great guy. I’m smart. I’ve got a huge heart. I love this little freak, even though he drives me crazy. I just keep on making the same mistakes time and time again.
It might help if you learned something from these mistakes.
What do you want me to learn?
Ryan, Ryan, Ryan. I can show you the lesson, but what you take from it is up to you.
Man…you can show me the lesson but what I take is up to me.
Yep. Now what are you taking from this? From all this?
That I should listen to you better. That I should follow my heart and know that I’m here for a greater purpose. After all the health problems, personal problems, depression, anxiety, and fear I’m still here. I’m still kicking. You’ve spared me for a reason. You’ve spared me from covid-19. I’m here for a greater purpose than simply punching a clock. I’m here for a reason! I should trust you a little more. You’ve got the right idea for my life.
Of course, I do, Ryan. Ann pesters me all the time about her late blooming son.
I hated that —
— I know you did. I know you did. I want you to remember this and really feel me on this. You could open your mouth and change the world. Right now, if you wanted to. And I know you want to. That online idea you had, go with it. That group idea you had, go with it. Speak more. Use your voice more. Sing from the mountaintops. Shout from the tops of the highest buildings. Love with your entire heart. Crack your heart wide open! I’ll show you the way.
There has to be a reason why certain people keep showing back up in my life.
Bro!
Did I just get bro’d by God?
You never learned your lesson from either one of those people.
Yep. Maybe both of those women could help me see just how much I need you. How I need to get into better relationship with you. Getting a better, stronger, and deeper relationship with you can help me find that partner I’ve been craving for years and years.
Now you get it. Look, I know life is hard right now. For all of my people, life is hard right now. I know you love being with people. Sharing your gifts with people. Trust it, my friend. Trust it. Now go take that little guy back inside.
Five minutes later, I see what I thought could have been a red bird fly by.
Tell me that wasn’t red.
Keep walking. That was for someone else. Good eye, though…
