Over the past three weeks, as I’ve been going through this business boot camp, I’ve kept asking myself this one question over and over and over. With the sleepless nights, the near-constant anxiety, the self-doubt that rages like an uncontrolled flood, and so many tears, only one question keeps coming to my mind.
What’s my what for?
Why am doing this is easy to answer — to make my first $100K in my coaching and publishing business.
When it comes to my skills and training as a coach, I have no doubt that I’m a PCC-level coach or higher. And my PCC certification I believe is still in my future.
My coach friends, and especially my AC community know why that’s so important and prestigious to me.
And as a writer and storyteller, I am one of the finest writers and storytellers in the world. And I say this with no modesty whatsoever.
But my skills at building a sustainable business are…well…they’re not good. And this is exactly why I’m taking this plunge and doing this boot camp, despite all the anxiety I’m swimming in right now.
But this still doesn’t answer the question, what’s my what for?
In life coach speak, a “what for” is a core answer to a question. What’s the deeper answer?
Yes, this is our profession and we deserve to get compensated for our profession and vocation. But I think only this morning did my what for come into sharper focus.
About a month ago, at my day job, we were informed of a drastic restructuring of our program. People were let go, and those who were kept on, as I was, had our roles changed. I had been a Senior Associate with my team and the defacto assistant market manager. And even at that, I felt I was not paid what I was worth for the extra responsibilities I had.
But not only was the Senior Associate role cut, so was my pay. And to top things off, I was given three additional stores that I have to serve and I do not own a car. So I’ve been getting to work by public transportation.
Flash forward to this morning.
My job assignment was Mt. Vernon, NY. And normally this has been a simple trek — I take a train from Stamford into New Rochelle, NY, and take a bus to the store. For the first few weeks of this assignment, this has been simple.
Not this morning.
The train left a little early from Stamford this morning, but oddly we got to New Rochelle slightly late. And usually, it’s a 5–8 minute wait for the bus from New Rochelle into Mt. Vernon.
I check google maps when I get to New Ro only to discover that the bus to Mt. Vernon left early! And the next one wouldn’t be for another 30 minutes. Which if I’d waited would have made me late for work.
So I take an Uber that I can’t afford just to get to the store.
Now, I discover that the pickup point for Uber is in a place where I have no idea where it is. And street signs are practically nonexistent around the train station.
I ask the security guard on the train platform where this location was.
“Buddy I got no clue. Ask one of the cabbies,” he replies in a perfect Brooklyn accent.
So I go outside and ask the idling taxi driver where this location was. And he pointed me straight there. Over a pedestrian overpass and onto a one-way street. Maybe 500 feet from the train station parking lot but might as well have been a mile away.
As I’m in the Uber, I ask myself a pretty pointed question:
“Just what in the blue hell am I doing here?”
I have no freedom in my life. I desperately want to be at home with my dog Pete and watch the Braves and Rays play a baseball game.
But instead of that, I’m standing here at a Best Buy store I still don’t know well yet, writing this blog.
My what for with this boot camp, despite the sleepless nights, the fear, and the raging doubt I believe is simple: I’m taking back control of my story!
I want the pen I use to write my life story back! I want it back dammit!
One of the stops my train makes is in my old town of Port Chester, New York. And right across from the PC train station is one of my favorite locations in the world — the Capitol Theatre. Some of the finest concerts I have ever seen in my life have been on her stage. I have barely the time nor the money to afford to go to some of those shows. That must change because my soul comes alive when I’m in the presence of live music. Heck, I wrote a book about that!
My Braves pay a visit to Yankee Stadium later this season. I’d love to see this magical team play a game at that beautiful ballpark.
I haven’t visited friends and family back home in Alabama in almost six years. I owe Ivy the biggest and longest hug!
One of my teammates in this boot camp program has a saying about having a J.O.B. He calls it “Just Over Broke.”
No more!
I’m taking my story back! And that’s my what for!
Oh, and to make that first $100K…
