Let’s take a ride on the Coach Ryan time machine. We haven’t done this in a while.
The place: Gold’s Gym — Dothan Alabama
The time: While I forget the time of year, it was around 6 in the evening. I believe this was in either 2006 or 2007.
I was doing a cardio session at the gym. And while I was on the bike that afternoon, I found myself holding court with two beautiful women, both friends of mine. One of whom was a former pageant contestant, mind you.
I was comfortable, having fun, and really in my element. Truthfully, I felt a lot like I do now when I’m really in my element and in my essence.
After I said my goodbyes to my friends, I made my way back to the locker room. And as I’m headed back there, I noticed that there was this young man behind me. I remember seeing him on the cardio riser, but I never spoke to him.
As I’m getting ready to get in the shower and complete my time at the gym, he walks up to me.
“You’re a real ladies’ man, aren’t you?” He said. I mean, I heard the words that left his mouth, but I sure as hell didn’t understand them.
“Excuse me?” I asked. Again, knowing good and well that I knew what he was saying, but I couldn’t understand it.
“I saw you up there with those two girls, man. You’re a real ladies man.”
When he said this, at that moment, time stood still. I felt like my heart stopped beating. I forgot where I was.
Me? A ladies man? What in God’s name is this kid smoking?
In my early 30s, my self esteem was in the toilet. And even now in my mid-40s, I’m just NOW starting to build my self esteem.
But in my early 30s, my self esteem was nonexistent.
I’ve got a missing tooth in the front of my mouth.
My hair has a mind of its own.
I need to lose about 30 pounds of fat, and gain a whole bunch of muscle.
I need to grow to at least 6–3, preferably taller.
And I need to change my last name from Hall to Reynolds.
Only then can I be a ladies man!
Keep this in mind, this was well before I started taking on any personal development and transformational work. I don’t even think I was in therapy at the time.
Outside images and internal dialogue taught me with no uncertainty that I was unlovable. I was unworthy of love.
I was broken!
I mean, I know NOW this is bullshit, but at the time, not so much.
Let’s pull back and look at this objectively. What does anyone need to do or be to deserve love?
Not a damn thing!
I deserve love looking exactly as I am, without shame or equivocation.
As I started to dig more and more into personal development work, I started to notice something that floored me. And in all transparency, it still floors me.
Some of the most attractive women I have ever known have been married to or involved with…let’s face it…men who don’t seem to be in their league.
But to a person, I can see exactly what drew these women to their partners.
Every. Single. One of them.
“Well, what the hell do they have that I don’t?”
There’s not a thing that they have I don’t. Full stop!
The only thing in my way is me. It’s one of the oldest hack life coach cliches in the world, but it’s very true. The only thing in my way of creating a great relationship is me.
My self esteem is coming along.
My confidence is growing.
I’m coming along.
I’m damn sure not broken.
And I feel like I’m becoming way more attractive as a result of this.
A few days ago at work, I was making my way back to my Chromebook table. When I was stopped by one of the store department managers.
It should be noted that this particular manager is a stone cold knockout! Granted, she’s not my boss, but she still needs to be respected.
But still…yeah…
Anyway, she stopped me and said to me “Are those new glasses?”
“Yep. How can you tell?” This made her laugh.
“You’re such a scamp,” she said to me as she’s walking away.
If you guys only knew some of the hangups I have had — and still have — with women…it’d stun you.
But I know the triggers now. I have had the help. I’ve had the support. And I can move past it to one day get what I deserve.
I haven’t done this without help.
I’m not where I want to be. But I’m getting close.
Even back in 2006, that guy was absolutely right.
I am a ladies' man…
Now if only a certain relative of mine who’s been married 5 different times will stop giving me advice on women.
