I’ve started and stopped this piece several times over the past several days. I just don’t know how to start this, much less knowing what I want to write.
I’m standing on the edge of a major transformation in my life. This transformation is leading me to simply not know who I am anymore.
The transformation where I’m terrified that other people won’t know me anymore.
My identity is leaving me.
I’m reminded of a church play that I participated in back when I was maybe ten years old. I forget my exact age. But I do remember always wearing my socks up to my knees in those days — as was my style in 1987.
It was during the spring, so I’m pretty sure it was an Easter play. And I played Moses. I think I used a mop handle as a staff.
The director of the play (our Youth director) set up a chair with a mic taped to it for the kids to use to say their lines.
During rehearsal one Sunday afternoon after church, I stepped up to the mic and spoke…and my voice damn near shook the foundation of that building.
Even from an early age, I had a mighty voice.
I constantly oscillate between wanting to howl my mighty voice like a noble timberwolf, and wanting to hide and cower in the smallest corners of the world.
When I hide, I feel safe. I feel protected. I feel…small.
That’s because I am small. I’m small. I play small. I live small.
I. Am. Small.
But I am not small.
My presence is gentle.
But my voice is massive.
No more talking.
It’s time to speak.
It’s time to rise up and speak!
I’ve kept my natural presence and voice shackled for far too long.
It’s time to open my mouth and lift houses off the ground.
Whole houses off the ground.
People listen to me. It’s not because of a performance. People are drawn to my authenticity like a moth to a flame.
As a kid, my natural tendency was to fade into the background. Don’t shake the apple tree. Don’t piss anyone off.
Do. Not. Say. Anything!
It’s time to put the shy and silent Ryan to bed.
That wasn’t authentic for me anyway.
It’s time to use my Voice to affect some real transformation in the world.
I’ll never forget something my old coach said to me a few years ago.
I made a joke about someone I was in a relationship with. I’m still in a relationship with her, though I saw this relationship a heck of a lot differently then.
I made a joke about this person. A petty, immature joke.
My coach at the time has this way about her. When she’s ready to drop a truth hammer in your lap, her voice gets as soft as a kindergarten teacher. She intentionally softens her presence. And she speaks delicately and carefully.
But her words are mighty and they struck like Thor’s hammer.
“Ryan, you have no concept of the power of your words, do you?”
Keep in mind, I didn’t share this joke with this person. I was joking about her.
Granted, the joke was petty and self-deprecating. But it was a joke I made about her to my coach.
I did some forgiveness work, and that really helped.
But my coach’s admonition really did a number on me.
I remember giving a keynote presentation a couple years ago at a lunch and learn at an area business networking group. I spoke to this group about using podcasting to get your message out.
This was also before I had figured out my own messaging with my podcast. I wouldn’t launch Soul-R Powered until early in 2020.
I don’t think my message in that talk really landed. I have it that many attendees wanted practical how-to advice on how to start a podcast. Software, hosting, and messaging.
But I believe my message really landed for a couple of attendees.
I spoke about how to use your voice — who you are in the world and what you speak about — to affect the kinds of change you want to to affect.
Long story short, I was challenged recently to write out a list of characteristics of this new, transformed Ryan. And I can only come up with one.
I let my mighty Voice shake the foundation of the world.
There’s nothing I want to alter about my presence in the world. I’m still that gentle, warm fireplace that everybody who knows me, loves.
But I need to speak more.
I need to speak my truth.
I need to sing my song.
I need to express my Self fully, wholly, and completely.
I’m scared because this goes against every single bit of programming I’ve had.
But I’m ready.
Getting back to that play.
Y’all don’t think there’s any irony to the fact that I was playing Moses. And that Moses parted the Red Sea at his command.
Actually, God’s command. But roll with me here.
And Moses himself wandered the desert for 40 years and died within sight of the promised land.
I feel like I’ve been wandering a desert myself…
Okay…I’m gonna stop now before I take a lightning bolt to the dome.
My point in all this is this: I’m about to make some changes. Personally and professionally.
Royal Hearts Coaching is still going to remain the same.
But the message is going to change…a little.
It’s time.
