“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
About midway through my work shift on Sunday, a feeling started to come over me. A very disturbing feeling started to wash over me.
When I’m bored at work, I’ll mindlessly scroll social media on my phone. And trust me, I’m often bored at work. This work shift was the day after the sudden passing of a music legend.
Let’s pull back. As I’ve shared before, my Mom suffered from mental illness. I don’t think she was ever diagnosed, but she was not well. She self-diagnosed several things, but I don’t know if a doctor ever diagnosed her with anything. And self-medication made matters a whole lot worse.
The year I turned 13…well…it sucked. My parents fought often, and we also saw the estrangement from my paternal grandparents. And just as I was hitting puberty, I started gaining weight like it was going out of style.
Granted, as the extra sensitive sort, I was feeling everything and I believe the food and the extra pounds helped keep me safe. Granted, 30+ years later, these things stick with you.
Anyway, my Mom would always take Ivy and me to school. When I was in 8th grade, she was in 5th grade. So she’d drop Ivy at Northington Elementary first, which was just a little over a mile from our house. And then we’d take the couple mile jaunt to Eastwood Middle School.
My mother would usually listen to the popular country music station in town — 98.1 WTXT. And during my 8th grade year, the Judds were HUGE! Like platinum-selling huge.
This was around the time that the now late Naomi Judd contracted Hepatitis C and chose to end her regular touring and recording. Essentially going into semi-retirement.
Admittedly, I’m not a country music fan at all. Generally, country music doesn’t do much for me. Though I’m drawn to many country-tinged acts — Brother Gregory Allman is probably at the top of the list — pure country music doesn’t do much for me. And I don’t think Mom was a fan either, she just felt safe listening to this music.
I think we heard that Judds hit “Love Can Build A Bridge” every single morning! I’m telling you, they were huge at this time in my life.
Whenever this song came on, I feel like Mom loosened up just a little bit. She found some comfort in their harmonies and in the poetic lyrics of this song.
Anyway, let’s flash forward to Sunday at work.
Part of Ashley Judd’s statement announcing her mother’s death really hit me sideways. How she and her sister lost their mother to the “disease of mental illness.” I wasn’t aware of Naomi’s struggles with depression and suicidal ideation after her touring life came to an end. Naomi Judd wasn’t exactly on my radar.
While it doesn’t appear the family has confirmed this, various outlets are reporting that she took her own life.
And in a way, I can understand how she could have developed these issues after they stopped touring. The Judds played huge rooms — large theaters and arenas! To go from several thousand people hanging on every note and cheering wildly, to relative silence, had to be jarring.
But reading into her story, I really started to see my Mom in her story.
And they weren’t too far off in age. Naomi was about three years older than my Mom. They could’ve been sisters!
Back to my situation at work the other day. I started to feel some of the deep and unabiding helpless feelings I’d felt in my childhood when I’d see Mom in a bad way.
I’m a 45 year old man, but I felt like a helpless child, upset that his Mom was so upset and he couldn’t do anything about it.
I stepped outside and had a long talk with that little boy. While people on the sidewalk outside the store probably thought I was talking to myself, I was actually talking to myself. But with purpose! This talk brought me back to being a little bit better.
I share all this because you never know what’s going to trigger your deepest fears and worries. It’s taken years of therapy, and gallons of tears for me to get present to this. And I’m proud to make this statement!
The worst part about this situation with the Judds is that they booked a short tour for this fall and were soon to go into rehearsals. Still playing large arenas.
If you or someone you love are in crisis and thinking about hurting yourself or attempting to take your own life, there’s hope. Call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1–800–273–8255. They are trained to help you and are available 24/7.
I know…I have used them more than once.
Naomi, I pray you’re at peace. And go and meet my Mom…I think she’d be excited to meet you.
And on this Mental Health Awareness Month, take the time to reach out to your people. Check on your loved ones…especially the ones who seemingly have it all together. They’re the ones who need it most.
