In my latest book Mining for My Voice, I devoted an entire chapter to this story. But in case you haven’t yet read my book (and if you haven’t, why not) here are the bullet points.
Let’s go back to December 1, 1984. This was the date of the 1984 Iron Bowl football game between Alabama and Auburn.
I was 7 years old.
Auburn had the ball and had 4th down inside the Alabama 5-yard line, trailing 17–15 with about 3 minutes and change left in the 4th quarter. For reasons passing any logical understanding, Auburn chose to go for the 4th down conversion and trying for a touchdown instead of kicking the chip shot field goal to give them the lead. Bo Jackson was supposed to be the lead blocker on that 4th down play. The play went right and Bo went left. Brent Fullwood was a sitting duck and Bama pulled off the unlikely upset that afternoon. 30+ years later it’s become known as the “Wrong Way Bo” game.
Alabama was a mess that season, and both sides of my home state were in shock.
My aunt and her husband (both Bama grads and huge fans) wanted to celebrate the upset win with some retail therapy followed by dinner and cocktails.
They never made it to shopping as their car was clipped and sent end over end into a ditch, killing both.
My aunt was my mom’s best friend. They were maids of honor at each other’s weddings. The Ivey girls were inseparable. This accident sent Mom into an almost 30-year depression until she died in 2009 and our family was never the same.
One could say my childhood and my joy died that afternoon when I was 7 years old.
And in a wild bit of irony, my aunt’s name is Joy.
My joy, and my Joy died that December afternoon.
I share all this because of the absolute revelation of a book I just finished reading called Relentless Joy.
Relentless Joy is the debut book by retired sportscaster turned public speaker/change agent Rachel Joy Baribeau. Rachel was the first female host on SiriusXM’s college sports channel and she remains a voter for the Heisman Trophy.
A fellow Alabamian, we’re both crazy about college football. Despite the fact she’s a graduate and fan of Alabama’s…other SEC school, I’ve chosen long ago to forgive her for her fandom of those War Eagle Tigers. I will not cease teasing her about that, however.
Around the time the sexual abuse scandal started to erupt at Baylor University several years ago, Rachel’s relationship to college sports as a commentator started shifting. She penned a deeply vulnerable and heartbreaking column relating her own experience with domestic violence and assault called College Football Is Breaking My Heart.
And this piece was the start of her movement called “I’m Changing the Narrative” where she speaks to various college sports teams and other civic groups promoting mental health awareness, leadership, and domestic violence prevention.
This leads me to Rachel’s book. I don’t know if I was prepared for what I read. I don’t know if I was ready for how deeply I related to parts of Rachel’s story.
Rachel and I have become friends primarily on social media through some former mentors of mine in my previous life in broadcasting. And I’ve interviewed her a couple of times for my podcast. Combining her warm and infectious personality with engaging storytelling and a compelling personal narrative, I knew her book would be a must read.
I found parts of this book deeply challenging. Especially when she shared her story about how she was able to connect with her mother on a deeper level after her cancer diagnosis. With all the concert trips my dad and I took in his later years, I felt that one deep in my bones.
I believe that this book proves one of my chief beliefs about how finding your voice and telling your story can change the world. Your story — your warts, your mistakes, your demons — are all a part of you. But your past does not define you.
As pro wrestling great Jake Roberts famously said “my history is not my destiny.”
Yet make no mistake, your story can change the world. If your story can be the germ of personal transformation for only one person, that means your story has already changed the world. And at its core, that’s what makes Relentless Joy so effective and compelling.
Of all the anecdotes she shares in this book — from cooking meals using the same spices her dad used to her friendship and connection with football stars Kevin Turner and Dak Prescott among others — one story will stay with me forever.
Rachel relates a story of an elderly Holocaust survivor she met during a visit to Israel. The joy that man lived with, despite the absolute hell he must’ve witnessed as a child is beyond remarkable.
Joy isn’t about living life happily and giddy all the time. I believe joy is about feeling the entire gamut of emotions. Crying tears of grief until you’re completely wrung dry, laughing until your belly grows sore, and all feelings in between.
And at its core, this is what Rachel’s story and her book are all about. We all have our flaws. We’ve all been hurt and we’ve all hurt. None of us are perfect.
Despite the hell we might have lived through, joy is there for all of us to claim. We may have to fight for it, but joy is available for all of us.
And I cannot recommend Relentless Joy enough. Get your copy today!
